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When we examine happiness, what are we really talking about? It varies and here’s why. One of the most common mistakes we can make in dealing with others is to assume that they share the same view of reality as we do. The truth is we all represent our experiences, real or imagined, according to our own specialized vantage point. Adopting a personalized approach to happiness can help us understand and appreciate these diverse perspectives.
We could go through the same exact experience with ten other people and each person would have their own version of what happened. We also assign different emotions to those experiences. Some will find happiness in the same experience that brings discomfort to others. Does that mean that we are the only one who sees things accurately and realistically? Hardly!
We are all looking out of a different window
There simply is no “one size fits all” view of reality. Because of our highly individualized way of translating and interpreting our experiences on an emotional level, the very same events can have a completely unique meaning for each individual. We all see things from a unique vantage point, as if we were looking at life through our own little window.
We all have different backgrounds, sensitivities, learned behaviors, emotional trigger points, preferences, knowledge, coping skills, and anchors. On an emotional level we are as unique as our fingerprint. And yet, everyone is searching for happiness in one way or another.
Should others see reality our way?
When we judge the way others react to the events or challenges they face in life, we are really inferring that they should be more like we are. That they would be better off if they thought and acted the way we think we would in their situation.
Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? After all, how could they possibly do that? And yet, if we find ourselves asking “why did they do that, or why didn’t they do this,” isn’t that what we are implying? Aren’t we really saying “why didn’t they do it my way?” And doesn’t that mean that we think our way is better?
Even if we honestly believe that they truly would be better off, it’s important to remember – that is just our opinion based on what we think we know.
We are all in the same boat
Personal growth in this area involves recognizing that other people are doing the best they can with the resources they have at any given moment – just like we are. We are all in the same boat, different accommodations perhaps, but that’s a pretty insignificant difference in the bigger picture.
Judging others is an ego thing. Ultimately, it stems from thinking too much of our own abilities and not giving other people credit for theirs. This approach never leads to happiness, usually just the opposite.
On the other hand, love and compassion will move us to want to help others instead of judge them. Personal development involves caring about other people. As we grow our world needs to expand beyond “self.” Selfishness and self-centeredness shrink our universe and create a tiny little reality. We are all in the same world at the same time and we should be concerned for the welfare of those around us.
Express gratitude and feel good about yourself
There are lots of things we can do on a daily basis to expand our vantage point and increase our sense of happiness. Why not spend the next few days deliberately looking for opportunities to do nice things for others. Little expressions of consideration and kindness have a big impact on our perception of life and your level of happiness.
It’s easy to hold the door open for a stranger. It is fun to look each person you pass in the eyes and give them a sincere smile. A simple way to express gratitude is to say thank you often and mean it. Common decency is getting less common and it is having a negative influence on people’s sense of happiness. We can bring it back!
Happiness is a byproduct
Many people have failed to realize that happiness is not something you get from being selfish. It’s also not something that can be pursued directly like an acquisition of some kind. Happiness is actually a byproduct of serving others. It is something that comes to us as a result of something else.
This is an easy point to prove. All you need to do is spend some time over the next few days doing random and unprovoked acts of kindness for others (without selfish motive) and see how it raises your own feelings of happiness. This is an indirect approach to happiness, but it works every time!
